


If I Had A Heart

by ReyAndor19



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Lives, Canon Temporary Character Death, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by Music, Lonely Rey (Star Wars), Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Planet Exegol (Star Wars), Planet Jakku (Star Wars), Rey is a Mess (Star Wars), Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Throne Room Scene, Temporary Character Death, Well more lonely than sad, just so you know, the major character death is only temporary, who knew that was a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:15:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyAndor19/pseuds/ReyAndor19
Summary: Rey struggles with the darkness inside of her.“This will never end 'cause I want moreMore, give me more, give me more.”-If I Had A Heart, Fever Ray
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	If I Had A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I’m 90% sure this is my brain telling me I need sleep. I was just listening to the song, and suddenly it was like ‘ok now write this mess’. Either way, enjoy.

The Darkness speaks to her at night. It creeps into her dreams, whispering of conquering planets, destroying all who resist. Of taking over the galaxy, bringing what it claims is  _ order _ to the chaotic worlds. It roots itself deep within her very soul, a constant shadow over her. Each night, she watches Jakku’s sun slip beneath the sand dunes, fearing what she will hear when she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.

The Darkness promises safety. Power. Its silky voice whispers that she will never be ‘nothing’ again.

But she knows that the power it promises is built from fear. That the safety it describes will come at the price of others’ safety.

She also knows that one day, the Darkness will grow too strong for her to fight off.

There is only one person she can tell this to. Like her, he’s haunted. Like her, he hears the voice that speaks of power and pain and  _ darkness _ . So much darkness.

It constantly threatens to consume her, and eventually it does consume him. Their paths diverge for years, until the seemingly never-ending war between darkness and light forces them back together. That, and the mysterious bond.

“Join me,” Ben offers, pleads, as the throne room burns around them. Rey doesn’t know how to say the words she needs to tell him: that she  _ can’t _ join him. She can’t get too close to him. Everything she touches crumbles to ashes.

If she had a heart, she could love him.

But whatever heart she thought she possessed was destroyed ages ago by the ravenous darkness that always wanted  _ more _ . Taking over her dreams, her heart, her soul...none of it is enough for the Darkness.

_ I’m sorry,  _ she wants to say.  _ It’s too dangerous _ . I’m  _ too dangerous. _

Rey doesn’t yet know the truth about her parents, but when she finds out it’s nearly too much to bear.

_ A Palpatine. _

It can’t be true. And yet...it can. The Darkness that has plagued her for years is far from the natural temptations of the dark side that a Jedi faces. It’s in her blood, a part of her very being.

And she’s losing her fight against it.

She nearly kills Ben, nearly kills Poe and Finn, nearly destroys the Resistance. Just barely managing to fight off the shadow that is her rage and hatred. Maybe Luke was right. It’s better to cut yourself off, to get rid of all attachments. But she can’t. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t forget the midnight talks through her bond with Ben, the games of holochess with Finn and Poe, Leia’s patience as her Master, all the little details and the big ones. A visit from Luke only reinforces this.

Leaving one last thing she can do: journey to Exegol to finally confront the source of all her pain over the years.

It goes badly. Terribly, really. She dies. She knows she’s dead, because she can see her parents, and Luke and Leia, and the Jedi of the past-

But suddenly they’re gone. And Ben’s there. And she’s  _ alive _ .

The ghosts aren’t the only thing that’s gone. The Darkness that’s haunted both of them has finally been defeated. Forever.

Rey and Ben are no longer haunted.

Rey and Ben are no longer enemies.

Rey and Ben are no longer alone.


End file.
